Hiking Lost

No, this is not a post about getting lost while hiking. Although that has been know to happen from time to time. Instead this is about all the hikes I haven't gone on this year. It seems there was a perfect trifecta of excuses not to go at any given time and I often gave into any number of them. So I am asking you to help be re-find my lost hiking mojo, be it by suggesting a hike, nagging me to go on a hike or anything else you can think of. Thanks in advance.

Feeling It

As of late I have been feeling quite old. Most of this feeling comes from the fact that my back has been sore since February. I have always said that my body was made up mostly of used parts but now I am thinking that is is more than mostly. Oh well, it could be worse at least I have these quotes to cheer me up.

Let us respect gray hairs, especially our own. - J. P. Sears

Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened. - Cora Harvey Armstrong

Getting old ain't for sissies. - Bette Davis

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. - Mark Twain

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do. - Phyllis Diller

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime. - John P. Grier

Age is a high price to pay for maturity. - Tom Stoppard

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed. - Anthony Powell

Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything. - Moe, from the Simpsons

Old people are fond of giving good advice; it consoles them for no longer being capable of setting a bad example. - Francois De La Rochefoucauld

Groundhog Day?

I was reading today that every one's favorite weather predicting groundhog, Phil, does not in fact predict the weather! No instead it is done by a group of people in the groundhogs inner circle. First, how is that a groundhog has an inner circle and I do not? Second, if the groundhog can't even decide if he gets to make a call about if he sees HIS shadow or not then who says his inner circle can do any better? From now on I am basing all my weather predictions on the turtle that will eat a lot if it is going to be a long winter. At least that way I will be sure that no inner, or outer for that matter, circles are involved. Happy Groundhogs Inner Circle People Day!

Days

It is days like today that make me wish I was here doing something like this...

Travel Rewind: Goblin Valley '05

This was not my first trip to Goblin Valley and it wasn't my last but it is my most memorable to date. It was Thanksgiving 2005 and we were camping. While that may not sound too memorable I should also add that I got very sick after the first night of this trip. I couldn't eat anything, it was freezing cold all night and all I wanted to do was die...and sing. Sing you ask? Well I was so delirious from the pain and the nausea that all I could do to keep from going mad (well more mad really) was sing along to my ipod. I am sure it wasn't in any kind of tune or pitch or key and I know that I was driving my fellow campers crazy but I didn't care, it took my mind off things. Also, subconsciously, I may have been hoping to drive them crazy so that they would put me out of my misery. It worked as we left early, but not without getting a few hikes in first which I am proud to say I completed. This was also the trip that ruined me forever on breakfast burritos. To this day the smell of them still makes me gag, the one exception being Sonic's breakfast burritos but I think that is because they are nowhere close to being real breakfast burritos or food for that matter!

Text Date

A few weeks back I was at the dentist and the hygienist told me about this girl that lived in her neighborhood who I would apparently be perfect for. Now I don't know about you but I don't really know my hygienist all that well and doubt that she knows me all that well. I mean how much can you learn about someone with their hand in your mouth? Regardless I said I didn't mind her giving this girl my number. Honestly I didn't ever think I would hear from this person and this seemed like a good way to be polite about the whole situation, especially since this women has easy access to my teeth. At this point I should mention that I have gone on lot of first dates and they never really seem to go that well. The next day I get a text message asking if I had recently gone to the dentist. If I hadn't given out my number freely I might have been a little scared by this text. I reply back and ask for her name as I hadn't been given this information by the hygienist. She replies back and we exchange quite a few text messages over the course of the next hour of so. It is now getting late on a weeknight and I have to work the next morning so I decide to put an end to the texting by asking if she is on Facebook. She replies that she is and I tell her to look me up and if she likes what she sees maybe we can meet sometime. Needless to say she wasn't impressed by or didn't even bother looking me up as I have not heard anything back. I can now add a text message date to the list of those that haven't gone well. Isn't technology great?

Last Day in Vancouver

Our last day in Vancouver and Canada turned into more of an adventure then we thought, Becky claimed that it was because we were living in a sitcom. After checking out of the hotel we stopped by Costco to stock up on some Canadian candies. We (or probably more me then anyone else) may have purchased $100 dollars worth of chocolate, if Cadbury would just sell the Wunderbar here I wouldn't have to stockpile them! And don't even get me started on Canadian Kit Kat bars, come on Hershey's just ask Nestle for the recipe already! Then we had one last battle with traffic, this time waiting to cross the border, I kid you not when I say we were in line for more then 2 hours. Then when we finally got to the actual border crossing things got really interesting. The US Border agents made the Canadian ones look like fuzzy stuffed animals. After handing over all our passports the agent then asks what we are bringing back, now at this point I had already had my fill of traffic and wasn't thinking clearly and I respond other then souvenirs? To which the agent retorts souvenirs are things Rainman. Nice. Welcome back to your country with a well placed insult, it's good to be home! Now I am watching him scan and read all the passports after scanning them all and taking his time reading each one he tells us that they are having computer problems and we need to park and go inside, which we do. After getting inside we find it odd that those so called computer problems seem to be affecting more types of people then others, lets just say non-English speaking, and leave it at that. While waiting in yet another line we see a sign that informs us that we should be offered a friendly welcome to the USA and that the goal of the agents is to make sure we get through the crossing as quickly and comfortably as possible. Failed on both counts and we never got that welcome either. I understand that it is their job to protect the border and really I am grateful for it but at this point in time I just kept telling myself that it is our tax dollars that are currently paying to delay, harass and just make for an overall lousy experience and really who wouldn't want to pay for that. As we make our way through what can only be described as the worst Disneyland-type line ever we are approached from and agent and asked if we are the folks from Utah. I wonder how he could spot us so easily in this line....nope not going there. He asks us if we cross the border often, seeing as Utah is land locked by many states on all sides and the nearest border is 1000 miles away we say no. We are then informed that the Washington apples that we bought the day before could not in fact be brought back into Washington as the origin sticker had been removed. Fine keep the apples it's no big deal to us. Sorry apples I guess you really can't go home again. We are then told that we still have to wait in line but it should only be a few more minutes before we are back on the road. A brief slimmer of hope can now been seen on our faces, it is soon quickly erased. When we get to the counter we are asked the same questions that we were asked outside. Our newest agent friend then tells us that he needs to speak to one of our travel companions separately. Turns out she had been to Algeria a year ago and this raises all sorts of red flags, don't ask me why, and that they have to search our car again. So we are sent to the back of the line to wait yet again. We have now been within 500 feet of the border for about 5 hours. After they check the car and don't find anything to detain us any longer we are allowed to come back in the USA. We quickly make our way into Washington and don't stop for 50 miles just to make sure they don't change their minds and demand that we turn over any more fruit! The lesson I learned from all of this is next time I am flying. Overall the trip was a blast and now we all have a great story to tell about trying to get home and how apples and Algeria should never mix.

Impasse

As you can tell I haven't had much to blog about as of late. I just haven't been feeling it, so I need some motivation. I need to know if you want this blog to keep going. Don't feel like you have to leave a comment because I know all to well that I don't leave comments on most of the blogs I read. What I would like you to do is simply vote yes or no on the poll to your right. I won't feel bad if you vote no, so if you think this blog has run its course vote no or if you are still interested in my ramblings vote yes. The most votes win, it's as simple as that.

According to Plan

I like when things go according to plan. The reason for this is simple: A good plan, even when gone horribly awry, will still turn out better then no plans at all. Take today for example. The plans I had fell through leaving the afternoon and evening open to whatever flights of fancy I could think of. The problem was I couldn't think of any flights, fancy or otherwise. After watching a few episodes of Lost (feel free to comment on my exciting life or lack thereof) I decided to rent a movie online. I had heard good things about The Hurt Locker so decided to give it a try. Thanks to Redbox I found a copy at a store not to far from here and reserved it online. I then venture out into the cold to go and retrieve the movie that was waiting for me. Now the lack of a plan comes into play. I get to the store only to discover that the Redbox machine is out of order. This explains why this was the only machine in a 20 mile radius to have the movie in stock. What it doesn't explain is why Redbox let me reserve, and pay for, a movie in a machine that wasn't working? Now that my Plan B for the evening has gone the same way as my Plan A I am feeling a little down in the dumps. It is then that I realize I need to have a better life plan so that my Plan B on a Saturday night isn't a movie at home by myself. I am willing to take suggestions on other possible plans for life. Like I said, I like when things go according to plan it doesn't leave time for dwelling on not having any.

LED it Snow, LED it Snow, LED it Snow

The other day my brother bought some new LED Christmas lights to put up at my parents house to replace the icicle lights that had seen better days. While I would love to say that I am all behind these earth saving diodes, I just can't do it. First off is the look. Are they plastic, crystal, glass, a lollipop? I just don't think they look very festive-y and that is when they are turned off. Then comes the light part of these lights. When you turn them on the effect doesn't have that same Christmas Vacation effect that I have come to expect from Holiday light displays. The lights just look dull and somehow off color. How are you ever going to "out do" the neighbors? You would have to use about 5 times the amount of LED lights to equal the same show quality as one strand of old fashioned lights and at that point would you really be using less energy. I just don't get why these lights seem to be this years must have, new cool thing. Am I missing something? Tell me how you feel by voting in the poll to the right. There is one kind of LED that I can get behind though...this.

What's the ApPOINTment?

I haven't been feeling all that great the past few days so yesterday I finally went to see a doctor. After going I had to ask myself why I even bothered. Here's why: After arriving ten minutes prior to my "appointment" I sit and wait to be called back. And sit and wait for what turns out to be 35 minutes. It is then that I see the little blurb on the TV that says if you have an appointment and have been waiting for more then 25 minutes please see the front desk. I look at the front desk and what do I see? Another line. So, now I can stand up and get into line or stay camped out in my corner of the waiting room and I hope I get called up soon. I choose to sit since I see the person that checked in front of me still sitting a few chairs away listening to very odd music on his phone, without earphones. Really Guy? No one wants to hear that when they are well let alone when they are sick. I wait another ten minutes and I am finally called back where I am placed into another room to wait. Luckily this room has a National Geographic from 2006 to keep me entertained for what I hope will be a short wait. Wrong. I finish my historic magazine and can now hear the doctor outside talking to the nurse on a wide variety of topics. This must mean that my visit that should have started an hour ago will soon start, right? Wrong again. After another 10 minutes the doctor comes in and I sit up from a table that must have been designed for an elf or gnome or some other small species other then a human. He pokes, prods and does all those doctor things. Then tells me that it might be strep throat but doesn't look bad enough (nor does he want to test for it) so it is most likely a viral infection of some sorts and tells me to rest and take some over the counter drugs, then sends me on my way. Total wait time: 65 minutes. Total Time seen by the doctor: 4 minutes. So glad that I could pay a co-pay for this experience, it's like Disneyland without the fun rides at the end of the wait. Next time I am sticking with Dr. Google, who cares if he tells me I have tiny brain clusters? At least the wait time will be less and that's without even making an appointment!

Greener Pastures

The hill is always greener on the other side, or so the saying goes. This past week has felt like the green hill packed up and moved 10 hills over and didn't leave a forwarding address. But it's almost the weekend so I am going to try to get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay. I will also be taking a break from posting for awhile, I just feel like I am out of things to say for the moment. I will be back in an undetermined amount of time; hopefully with loads of fun, interesting, crazy (feel free to insert the word of your choice) stories soon. Until then I invite you to read through old posts or visit anyone of my bloggerhead buddies listed to the right. Now, I am off to find that elusive green hill!

Computer of Doom

Yesterday I got to work and discovered that my computer was taking f-o-r-e-v-e-r to load. I don't mean like five or ten minutes (I like to think that I am pretty patient with most things), I mean 25 minutes. After trying two reboots and waiting longer each time for anything to happened I called Tech Support who told me to reboot yet again, even though I told them I had already tried this tried and true technique. So I rebooted and this time it took 40 minutes to load. Let me back up when I say load I mean that is when the error messages stop long enough for me to click one icon. After clicking one icon it takes another 20 minutes to open said icon. By 1 pm, yes 5 hours later, Tech Support (where technically we support you -The Muppet's) I was told that my computer was beyond hope and that I would need to mail it to Portland for them to look at in person. I am told to use three day UPS because it's cheaper to which I ask what am I mailing the whole machine? The answer: Yes, unless you can take out the hard rive then you can just send that with the overnight package. Let's see...2 days without my computer or 4? Which ever will I choose? Besides ripping out the hard drive might make me feel better about wasting my whole morning! I ripped it out and sadly didn't feel that much better. Perhaps because I had to now go try to find an old computer (think island of misfits toys only for old computers) and then try to get that to work and then get the programs I needed loaded to that machine. Phew. Take a breath. Oh, look its 4:45pm and it looks like everything is finally loaded and working. Now about that 5pm cutoff time, how firm is that? Lesson of this story? I have no idea. The computer is broken and the only lesson I learned is that I am far to dependent on it and it is not at all dependent on me. Shouldn't this be the other way around. Isn't this what leads to The Terminator movies, the machines being smarter then the humans? Only in this version Skynet keeps crashing so John Conner has nothing to worry about. Can't wait to go back to work and start this all again.

Same Old, Same Old

Do you ever get that sinking feeling; you know the one where you think, man this isn't going to end well? Tonight I have that feeling and I think it might be due to all the empty dark chocolate Reese's containers scattered around me. Really, I should know better but I just couldn't help myself. They were so little that I figured one more couldn't be all that bad. I was wrong. I have that sinking feeling.

It's 10 AM Somewhere

Are you ready to laugh? The other day I got up late. It's not like my alarm clock didn't go off (it did) nor did the subsequent snooze alarms fail to go off. I just didn't want to get out of bed. When I finally dragged myself out of bed I was running a good 10 minutes behind. Then on the way to work I hit every red light possible. Not to worry I thought, I will just sneak in and no one will know that I was late. That plan hit a snag when I pulled into the parking lot at the same time as my boss, so much for sneaking in. Now I know that some people would think, well your boss is late so it's okay that you're late. But in my mind that's not the way it works, I was caught red handed in the parking lot. Then as we are walking down the stairs of the parking garage; I think I am done with the stairs before the stairs have actually ended, which results in me falling the rest of the way down while trying to catch myself on the railing. If that was all that happened to me that day I could have let it all go, but no. Later that morning I decide I was hungry and hit up the vending machine for a healthy snack (a bag of chips that is a mix of Doritos, Cheetos, SunChips and pretzels). While I am eating this said bag of chips I mange to spill most of the bag all over myself. Good thing most of the chips are coated with cheese dust so everyone can see how talented I am! Which is really just the icing on top of an already great morning. And of course all of this happened before 10 AM so there was still plenty of day left. I think subconsciously this is why I wanted to stay in bed that morning. Nothing good happens before 10 AM.

Rubber Stamp

Today I wish I had this rubber stamp. There are so many words that I could use to fill that blank on many different issues that all surfaced today. I am so ready for the long weekend!

How I Spent 17 Hours

Okay I didn't spend it exactly like this. Instead of sand I had my head buried under pillows. Why? Because I had the worst migraine headache from Sunday night around 9 until Monday afternoon around 3. Oh yes, it was bad. Sounds played in my head like that of someone beating on a steel drum and light pierced right through my eyes to the back of my skull where it then bounced off and shot right back at my eyes. The worst part was that I can normally sleep off these kind of headaches but this one was a fighter. It took the soothing sounds of Planet Earth at a very low sound setting (to induce sleep), Excedrin, Tylenol, Coca-Cola, and tons of water to beat this headache. But I won in the end. Take that headache!

Random Thoughts

I stole this off my sisters facebook page. Sure its a little long but I was laughing so hard I had to share. Enjoy.

• I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
• More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
• I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
• Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
• That's enough, Nickelback.
• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
• Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
• There is a great need for sarcasm font.
• Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
• I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
• How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
• I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
• I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
• The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
• A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
• Was learning cursive really necessary?
• Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
• Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
• My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
• Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
• Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
• What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
• While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood..
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
• I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
• Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
• I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
• I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
• Bad decisions make good stories
• Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
• Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
• If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
• Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
• Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
• There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
• I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
• "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
• I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
• I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste..
• When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
• I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
• Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
• As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
• Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
• It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
• I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
• Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
• Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
• My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
• It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
• I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
• I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
• I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
• The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

Observations on a Quick Road Trip

• Over half of I-15 in Utah is currently under construction
• You can't use cruise control until you leave Utah County
• You can't use cruise control after entering Utah County
• The left lane is for passing not parking
• Cars with Nevada plates were part of the above problem half the time
• Most Nevada plated cars are tourists up from Las Vegas
• The Cedar City roads department needs help in planning road resurfacing
• Sally looks tough and rugged with tar splashed across her side (see above)
• Cedar Mountain earns every bit of it's scenic drive status
• Cedar Breaks is vastly underrated therefore not as crowded as Bryce (a plus)
• It gets chilly at 10,000 feet
• In-N-Out is much better then Five Guys
• Sally loves a good tailwind going north
• Don't get gas in Fillmore, try Beaver or Nephi
• All freeways should have 80 mph speed limits
• Orange cones and barrels get ugly after so long
• The sky in Southern Utah is the bluest I have ever seen
• Digital cameras are great, as are 2 gig memory cards
• The campus at SUU keeps getting better
• Cedar City really needs a Target
• Avoid the 2nd exit in Cedar City the traffic light sensor doesn't work
• I really need a longer vacation

I Spy: Fiesta

As most of you probably don't know, Ford as lent out 100 2010 Fiesta's to people all of the U.S. for feedback and free marketing before the cars official launch next year. They call it the Fiesta Movement and the agents are set with tasks to complete while they have the car. The point of all this background? I was driving home the other day and what did I see coming around the corner? That's right a new Fiesta and I must say (and I never thought I would say this about a Ford) it looks really good in person, better then in the photos I have seen, especially for a little car. Okay, that's enough auto geekness from me for one day. Happy Driving!