Here are a few quotes that make me laugh.
Adventure is just bad planning. -Roland Amundsen
Cheer up! The worst is yet to come! -Philander Chase Johnson
Love thy neighbour, but don't take down the fence. -Benjamin Franklin
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. -Susan Ertz
Hell is an all-male black tie dinner of chartered accountants which goes on for eternity. -John Mortimer
I loathe people who keep dogs. They're cowards who have not got the guts to bite people themselves. -August Strindberg
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. -Mark Twain
Every time I paint a portrait I lose a friend. -John Singer Sargent
Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book. -Cicero
Vegetarians have wicked, shifty eyes, and laugh in a cold calculating manner. They pinch little children, steal stamps, drink water, favor beards. -J.B. Morton
No one ever really minds seeing a friend fall from a high roof. -Confucius
If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face-forever. -George Orwell
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -Mark Twain
Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway. -Author unknown
If the whole human race lay in one grave, the epitaph on the headstone might well be It seemed a good idea at the time. -Rebecca West
Time is a great teacher, they say. Unfortunately, it kills all its pupils. -Hector Berlioz
When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. -Prince Philip
You can't take something off the Internet-it's like taking piss out of a swimming pool. -Author unknown
Nature is usually wrong. -James McNeill Whistler
Man and nature have such different views about the good of the world. -George Gissing
Washington, DC: Too small to be a state but too large to be an asylum for the mentally deranged. -Anne Burford
Facts are stupid things. -Ronald Reagan
I never give them hell. I just tell them the truth and they think it is hell. -Harry S. Truman
Youth is something very new: twenty years ago no one mentioned it. -Coco Chanel
I hope you enjoyed a brief bit of the The Pessimist's Handbook.
